


Hollows

by Subatomic_grape



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Genre: Angst, Confusion, F/F, Female Homosexuality, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-12
Updated: 2010-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 18:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/641825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subatomic_grape/pseuds/Subatomic_grape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Thank you? Such beautiful words." Odd how among all the changes, that sentence and the relationship growing around it was still what stood out the most in their minds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hollows

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fairly old story, written for the Yuri challenge on livejournal in the summer of 2007. Still putting it up, because the SMT fandom could always use a few more lesbian works.

_'"Thank you…? Such beautiful words."'_

That phrase was making Argilla's head hurt, and the empty feeling in her stomach wasn't making her feel any better. She was certain that both sensations were working with the jolts of the truck to make it impossible to focus.

She knew what she was supposed to be doing; sort out her supplies. Figure out what sort of things would be close at hand for easy access, and what she could afford to set deeper in her pockets. She tried to keep them all close together on the seat next to her, in a way where they wouldn't be sent rolling around the floor the next time the vehicle hit a dip in the road. She didn't want anymore distractions then what she already had.

Each time she went over the supplies, her thoughts kept scattering. Usually it was around the time she got to the anti-demon ammunition. There were a few rare moments where she got as far as prioritizing her canned ration as going towards the bottom of the heap before she lost track of what she was doing, or her stomach growled at her.

She was more then ready to wolf the ration down and burn a few more macca on another, once they reached a vendor. That would at least take care of her stomach, if not her head. By the next interruption (she'd lost count on how many times that made) Argilla was ready to do just that.

"You appear to be troubled." Or that was the plan, before she was interrupted.

The voice cut in on her thoughts, and yanked her back into the present. Her head jerked up to look at the speaker. She could already tell who it was; the flat monotone, combined with a strong commanding voice. There wasn't anyone else it could belong to.

"Jinana?" The Maribel leader gave a single nod, still looking at her. Waiting for an answer, expecting one as her dues as a leader. Argilla found herself trying to give Jinana the right words; leaving her waiting didn't seem right.

"I was just wondering about what you said earlier."

"Explain." The leader was settled against the seat across from her. The chairs in the Maribel vehicle weren't much besides a small metal square sticking out from the wall. Not much different from sitting on the floor. (She noticed, out of the corner of her eye that Heat and a few other Maribel were doing just that.)

"A-about words being beautiful. I was trying to figure out how that was possible." Of all the possible reactions, Argilla didn't think confusion would be one of them.

Jinana didn't react immediately, and she stopped looking at Argilla. She followed the Maribel's line of sight to see that she was focused on the sky outside the windows. She looked at it as well, wondering if it had any answers.

Unlike the last time she'd gazed into the rain, the Maribel leader bothered to look back at her while she spoke.

"I am uncertain how. The thought-"

"Appeared in your mind?" Jinana stopped short, and for a moment Argilla wondered if she didn't look annoyed at being interrupted and having the words taken out of her mouth. But the look only lasted for a moment, before her face went back to being impassive.

"Yes, that is correct." She went back to looking at the sky.

"You said that before, so I thought…"

"And what about you?"

Argilla blinked in confusion, and Jinana continued without looking away from the rain.

"Do you understand why you thanked me?"

"It just…It felt like the right thing to do-" She scrambled for an answer or a reason, and had a hard time finding one.

"What she means," An irritated voice from the van floor interrupted her. "Is that she likes babbling at you more then the idea of eating you."

"…Heat." Argilla put enough venom in that name to make it clear that he would be better off minding his own business.

"What? It's true, isn't it?" He plowed right over her warning, at the same moment Jinana stopped looking out the window and said "Ah," as if Heat had made the situation make perfect sense. Argilla felt her hand twist around the pull pin on the ration can until it snapped off. It was either that, or she'd end up throwing the can at his head.

Someone else cleared their throat, and both of the Embryon's eyes went over to where Serph was sitting. He stared at Heat eye to eye, until the Tribe strong arm grumbled something unintelligible before rolling over on his side and pretended to rest.

Serph had broken the staring match once Heat turned away, and gave Argilla a look that said 'at ease' before he went back to his own task of sorting out ammunition. She could see his hand gun resting on the floor next to him, all the parts meticulously cleaned and organized.

Argilla found herself trying to figure out a way to break the silence, now that the other two Embryon had left her with Jinana. It was hard to find words that would ease her back into speaking.

"I…It is true that I'd rather have you as a friend…" She broke off when Jinana gave her an uncomprehending stare. "What I mean is, as an ally. I'm relieved that we're that, instead of enemies."

"That's what being thankful is?"

"Yes." Argilla slowly nodded, trying to feel her way through the conversation. "At least, I think that's one of the reasons why I like you…A-as an ally." On the ground, Heat gave a snort, or a snore, before rolling over. Jinana simply nodded to show that she was satisfied. Then she broke off the conversation by standing and walked over to the other end of the vehicle, where most of her escort were waiting.

Argilla watched as she left, before looking back out the window, wondering what is was the leader saw out there.

All the while, the truck rumbled on.

o-o-o

Manipura's road consisted of little more then two ruts in the ground, and a long strip of dirt that was less choked with rubble then the rest of the landscape. The buggy took them as far as a rocky outcropping splashed with red paint. The limits of the Maribel territory.

Argilla let her eyes drift back towards Manipura. The city was already becoming little more then dots of red light, which seemed to flicker in the rain. It wasn't Muladhara, but she found herself missing the security provided by the walls, and the relative dryness. Once she was outside the protection of the truck, the rain came back, soaking into her uniform until it reached the level of not-quite-soaking-but-still-damp that was typical out in the battlegrounds.

She was already checking the zippers around her gloves to guarantee full skin protection when the last of the scouting party came out of the truck, and the vehicle rolled away.

"We walk from here." Jinana replied to her puzzled look. "I will not spread the Tribe any further then needed, and those machines are suited for patrolling and defending the borders." With that she gave a few curt hand signals to her soldiers, pointing them towards their positions.

Just like with the Embryon and their leader, the Maribel understood the signs and fanned out accordingly. Some of them went weaving through the rock spires and were exposed to the blasts of wind and rain when they went outside the rubble shielding the group.

Once they settled into where Jinana pointed them to, the group set out in a long ragged line. At first, it felt like there was no order. But gradually Argilla was able to pick out some sort of purpose. The scouts ranged further out, while a pair of soldiers guarded their flanks, and another pair took up the rear guard.

The Embryon had their own loose order. Heat prowled slightly outside the cluster of soldiers, while Serph took up a spot beside her. And Jinana.

It took a moment for Argilla to realize that she'd fallen in step with Jinana, and once she did she faltered. Both of the leaders turned to look at her, practically as one soldier. Serph looked concerned. Jinana looked curious. Both of them were eyeing her feet.

"Lost my balance, sir. That's all." Serph nodded at that, but slowed down until he dropped behind her, watching to see if anything else happened. Jinana simply kept pace with her, not looking satisfied with the answer.

"You are acting differently from before." Argilla managed a stiff nod at that, and did her best to stare straight ahead. If she was going to be evaluated, it was better to take it like a soldier. Maybe _that_ would keep her balance under her, distract her from the fact that she was having someone outside of the Embryon point out how much she'd changed.

It did distract her from the fact that Jinana was reaching towards her. She didn't have enough time to react by stepping out of the way. The only response that she _did_ have time for was to start from the touch on her arm and stare back at the other woman.

Even though she was looking at the Maribel, most of her focus was on her feet. It didn't feel like there was any solid ground under them, and she was _not_ going to stumble with the attention of two leaders on her.

"There…" She could hear some hesitation in Jinana's voice. It was strange hearing that come from someone as self assured as a leader. "There is nothing negative about that. I am only curious on…Why."

"Well…" She was having a hard time finding an answer to that. It was difficult to even focus on the question. Her skin kept prickling, reminding her that her own leader was walking right behind her, watching her. Jinana was just as bad; she kept looking at her, waiting for an explanation, and it was making her face grow hot, despite the rain.

"I-"

Argilla was interrupted with a metallic click as someone pulled out a gun and cocked the hammer. The sound echoed around her as the Maribel followed the runner's lead. A few of them didn't reach for their guns and just settled into a tense stance, flexing their hands and showing their teeth.

She shouldn't have felt relieved that they'd been interrupted by a possible threat, and tried to ignore the feeling by looking between Jinana and Serph. Both of the leaders stayed still, Serph with his hand floating just over his gun, Jinana waiting for one of her Tribe to speak.

"Solid patrol, Leader. They're about five marks away from us, heading this direction. They haven't seen us yet." That was enough to make her own hand go to her gun, to remind herself that it was close at hand.

The entire line stopped, and all heads were turned towards the two leaders, waiting for the next order. In the pause Argilla found herself reaching into her skirt pouch, fumbling for the bullets. (She also wondered WHY she'd placed the ration can on top of them.)

There was a moment of hesitation between the two leaders before Serph took a step back, handing the decision over to Jinana.

A quick look around reminded Argilla why. The Maribel had more men on the field then he did. Based on numbers, it was strictly Jinana's call. Argilla rushed to find those bullets, to be ready for the inevitable order to attack. Her fingers closed on them right when Jinana gave her orders.

"Make a wide circle around them. If there is an obvious trail, try to cover it up."

It took a moment for Argilla to realize her mouth was open. Jinana looked back at her, and again managed to pick out the question in her face.

"They are a single patrol. It would be better to save our energy for the bigger challenge. We have our own scouting to do."

They were moving again, before Jinana said something else to her.

"We also have no use for needless killing." When she heard that, Argilla had the faint idea of what it was like to have her own words snatched out of her mouth. There was also a buzzing gathering in her stomach at hearing Jinana say her own words, and it was turning into warmth and making her face burn again.

It was actually a relief when they stepped into a bowl shaped gap between the debris, and were blasted by the wind and rain. Both of them cooled her face, even though the wind was twisting unpredictably and snagging at her hair.

"BOSS!" The voice cut into her reprieve, and the fear in it was enough to make her heart jolt up to a faster beat. Her hands were already going back for her own gun by the time she'd figured out where the shouting was coming from. One of the soldiers on their right side was standing at the edge of the dip the group was in. Even at their distance, Argilla could tell she was alarmed.

"We've got trouble! There's a band of rookies heading towards us…Th-they're changing!"

One of the other scouts had spun around towards the soldier. His voice was quiet, but it was easy to see that he was glaring and pointing towards where the Solid patrol was.

"The wind…" She heard Serph whisper, as another gust brushed over the group.

Argilla gritted her teeth as it shrieked in her ear. "It blew our smell to the rookies, didn't it? That patrol we were going to avoid would have to be deaf to miss hearing her." She looked at the scout, and wondered how long the woman had been hysterical ever since the light came.

There were a few who were starting to panic. The rest turned to look at Jinana, waiting for the next set of orders. Jinana paused for a moment before nodding in the direction of the Solids. Argilla could swear she could already hear them scaling the ridge. Jinana slowly swept her hand over part of the group, effectively cutting her forces in half.

"Stay with the Embryon and see to the rookies. The rest of us can deal with the patrol."

A group of the Maribel split from the main party and formed around Jinana. As they started to move away, Argilla was certain she could see trails of green burn across Jinana. She didn't have long to focus on it. There was a howl off to their side, either from one of their own or a hunting call from the rookies, and suddenly someone was yanking at her arm.

"Put the damn bullets away and _change_!" She was too off balance to take offense to that. Heat didn't give her time, anyway. He was already blackening into a shadow, distorting as red lines snaked over his arm and ballooned it into a mess of claws and muscle.

She forced herself to take a deep breath, and then let her hunger wash over her. She didn't try to resist the pain blossoming from her breast, knowing it would be worse if she tried to hold it back.

They were fighting a new war now. She needed to remember that if she wanted to live. Even if she didn't agree with it.

o-o-o

Their target wasn't far off, and it was clear the patrol had already seen her group of soldiers. A few of them were preparing to fire their guns once they were in range, but those were in the minority. The rest were charging forward, unarmed. Except for the glow on their bodies, and the network of lines.

Not all of them were running anymore. At least, not on two feet. Some of them raked at the earth with four, and others were starting to claw their way into the air. All of them jerked and pulled themselves along until their movement became smoother and more natural as they settled into their new forms.

Her own men answered with a growl, and a few angry hisses; some of them were already well through their own transformations. It took some willpower to keep from joining them in the challenge. A leader needed to keep herself composed, regardless of the situation. She wasn't about to let her Tribe down by letting her instincts completely master her.

Still…She could feel something pushing her forward, urging her to stop delaying and close in on the forerunners of the Solid patrol. She closed her eyes as she felt the base of her head start to burn. The rain felt like needles against parts of her skin, and her blood was on fire underneath all of it.

_'"I don't like needless killing…"'_

If Jinana had the luxury of time, she'd marvel over how she could still focus on that one thought, even while the pack of demons got closer. It was enough to make her hesitate, wondering if they couldn't still make a fast retreat and lose the patrol.

The decision was made for her in the form of an angry shriek, as one of her soldiers collided with a Solid. They both went down, grappling, slashing at each other with teeth and claws. When she saw that, she knew that it was too late back away. Not with the fight joined.

She spent a moment to hope the Embryon girl would survive her fight, and then concentrated on her own. One last breath as a human, and then she turned her head towards the sky and let her body melt away and reform into something more savage.

o-o-o

Argilla allowed herself only a few mouthfuls. Just enough to line her stomach, because she had the feeling that anymore would get retched up when she shifted back. She gave her shoulders a hard twist, and ripped away the last bite. The second she felt it go sliding down one of her throats, Argilla forced herself back into her own shape. She could still feel herself gag at the aftertaste in her mouth, and the scenery around them didn't help settle her stomach.

The mud had a distinctly reddish tint after the battle, and the rain hadn't washed away the metallic scent in the air. Argilla found herself hoping that the wind will stay still, and won't draw anymore rookies towards them. She didn't want to deal with scavengers on top of everything else.

She heard someone move towards the rest of her kill and start in on it. She was certain it was Agni; she still hadn't seen or heard a demon with the same heavy movements as his.

Argilla didn't do anything to stop whoever it was, and started to move away from the remains. Her eyes were focused on the ridge Jinana went over. There wasn't any sound behind it. No gunfire, or screams. All she could hear was the sound of rain hitting the ground, and the other demons gorging what was left of their enemies.

Serph came in on her left, making a wide circle so he showed up easily. There was an instinctive rule that one never blind sided their own Tribemates.

She watched as he drifted past her, saw that he was making a straight line for the ridge, and followed him.

They were only at the base of the slope when one of the Maribel weaved out of the rubble. The ridge of hair on her head was plastered flat with sweat and rain, but that was the worst that could be said about her condition. Others started filtering through the rocks as well, some showing more signs of battle then the others.

She couldn't see Jinana with the group.

Serph paused at the foot of the ridge. For the first time she could remember, Argilla didn't follow his lead and kept moving forward. She heard him take in a sharp breath in confusion, but didn't stop her. For her part, she ducked her head low as a silent apology and climbed the slope.

And at the top she found Jinana, slowly limping towards the others. The Maribel's sides were heaving. As Argilla watched her pick her way forward, she felt something tugging at the edges of her memory. The sight felt familiar, and she strained after what it was.

Gradually little details filtered through her mind; first the canyon walls of Muladhara, rain, and her pressed against Serph's back, feeling hunger eat away at her.

The difference was that Jinana didn't lean off of anyone. The Maribel stumbled over the uneven ground, and stopped to rest against a slab of what could have once been a building.

"Jinana." She couldn't help it; seeing her like that yanked the name out of Argilla's mouth. The leader stiffened when she heard her name, and held herself up a little straighter when she saw Argilla.

"Are…Are you hurt?" Quite suddenly Argilla wasn't standing and watching anymore, but rushing forward to offer some sort of help. Before she reached Jinana, the Maribel was already walking as if there was never anything wrong with her.

"I am fine. We had no difficulty with our battle." Jinana's eyes darted back for a moment, to where she came from. Argilla couldn't help but follow them.

Behind Jinana, she saw the remains of the Maribel's battle. The Solids were scattered like the rubble. There wasn't much blood there; a lot of it was forming into off colored puddles with the rain. She couldn't see any survivors from the other Tribe.

It took her a moment to realize that there was something about the scene that felt unfinished. Then she realized that most of the corpses matched her kill; only half eaten. Some of them didn't have any bites taken out of the bodies at all.

"You're sure?" Once that was out of her mouth, she knew it sounded like she was questioning the decision of a leader. She added on more before Jinana could take offense. "I'm not doubting you. I just…I wanted to make sure that you're well. You're my ally now."

Jinana didn't say anything at first, and seemed to alternate between looking at Argilla and the rain falling in front of her face. Then her expression softened just a fraction.

"I appreciate your concern. But there is nothing to worry about." She jerked her head in the direction of Anahata, where the patrol came from. "We should continue. There is no longer a reason to waste time here."

When they set out again, Argilla didn't hesitate to keep pace with Jinana.

o-o-o

After the light, the Embryon truce, and the trip to the gates of the citadel, Jinana was becoming certain that she'd developed a good amount of inoculation towards changes. Being able to absorb them and continue.

That was why it was so confusing to have that one moment spent walking towards Anahata repeat as a constant loop in her head. But ultimately, she decided she preferred that moment to remembering how she lashed out at the Embryon. It was better then focusing on how much blood she was losing.

She could feel numbness spreading from her belly and outwards. The pain was fading away, and she could feel her eyes growing heavier. It was as if the ground had dropped out from under her and she was floating. She couldn't even feel the stone bite into her back any longer.

She could just pick out that there was rain falling on her face. It was surprising how _cold_ it was. She'd never noticed that before.

When a drop of warm water splashed against her face, it came as shock. Enough that it forced her awake, just enough to keep her eyes open.

She was surprised that Argilla's face was in such sharp focus, even while everything else was blurring around the edges. She found herself staring into her eyes, and all the pain in them.

Some feeling was flaring back up in her lungs, as they forced air in and out and she formed her breath into words. She knew that she was speaking, and could hear some of the words. But what was more important was focusing on Argilla's face, and find someway to make her stop crying. Her arm felt like a dead weight, and she strained to reach upwards towards Argilla.

She didn't understand why, but watching Argilla was making her chest hurt. It made no sense; she could barely feel the hole in her side, and the rest of the pain was dying back down. But as long as she looked at Argilla and heard her sobbing, her chest felt like it was being crushed.

"Saying it…" It was so hard to get the words out. Her lungs felt so wet and heavy, and there was still something squeezing at her heart. Somehow she'd managed to go from brushing at Argilla's tears to cupping her face in her hand. That made the effort worth while.

"…Feels right." She wheezed the last words out with what was left of her breath. With that out, she felt weakened, empty. She tried to brush the last of the tears from Argilla's face, and found that she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, or hold her arm up. She wished she could keep her hand there a little longer. Enough to see her smile again.

It wasn't any good. She felt exhausted, and knew it would just be better to close her eyes and rest.

She never felt her hand drop away from Argilla's face.

o-o-o

Argilla would never be able to forget clinging to Jinana's hand, trying to speak but having the words stick in her throat.

The words still weren't coming, but she was starting to accept that was part of seeing Jinana.

It didn't change that she was holding her hand tightly, not wanting to let go again, even though there wasn't any risk of losing her.

She could feel something pulse in time with her thoughts as she squeezed Jinana's hand. It was almost like a heartbeat or a breath, although neither of them had any need for those anymore. But still, it pulsed in rhythm to her, almost like they were existing in the same place, at the same time.

She swore that she could hear another pair of voices in the back of her head, almost as loud as Prithivi's presence. One of them sounded hungry, eager. But it was subdued compared to the other. That second one was calm, welcoming. It felt like a balm after everything she went through.

That _they_ went through, she corrected.

But by then their hands were slowly twining together. She could feel herself flicker, felt the core of what she was reform so it was closer to Jinana. She could hear a faint chime as they went closer. It was like a pleasant hum in her ears, a quivering inside her that made her data flow around the other woman, occasionally through her and back to her.

Argilla could feel the former leader tremble against her, and knew that Jinana could feel it too.

"You aren't crying any longer." Jinana murmured. It was a simple observation, one that she could hear spoken out loud and echo inside her head at once. She managed a nod, and felt a sort of lightness in her chest. Whether it was from her or Jinana, she couldn't tell. She wasn't certain it mattered, either.

"And you're smiling." Argilla made her own observation, and felt that lightness increase.

"I think it's because…" It was still strange, seeing Jinana look so confused and at a loss for words. "I feel as if I've learned something. That you've shed tears for me…I wanted to thank you for that." Jinana paused after that, and gave her a careful look.

"What about you?" A phantom hand touched the data that made up her face, brushed against it and left her cheek tingling. "Is there a reason why you're smiling?"

Argilla felt her smile grow a little wider.

"Nothing, just…Those are such beautiful words."


End file.
